I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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