We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think my fart just growled at me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
