Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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