why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
