guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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