apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
