I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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