I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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