I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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