walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
