I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
