Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
