The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
