My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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