we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just pee around me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
