So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
