She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
