I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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