So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
