You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
