i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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