Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When are your genitals available?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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