the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
