there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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