His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think your dad took our porno
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
