I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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