The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
