We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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