She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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