I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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