if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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