You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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