We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
