I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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