it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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