you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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