Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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