i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
