dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
