just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
