Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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