well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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