there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
