But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
