Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will be naked everywhere
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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