see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
