she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i think my cat just said my name.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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