i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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