I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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