I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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